Fireflies
by Kowareteiru Uta
Summary: We where like fireflies, small yet glowing with an unmistakable light, able to fight even the darkest night. Look at us now, we are no more. Just a crippled cat with a mute ghost for only company. But please, tell me, if I told you a story, our story, would you remember?
1. Those Whispers The Wind Carries

**This is my new story, I have to admit that it's inspired of my real life but since you can't tell where's the frontier between fiction and reality here, please don't judge.**

**Oh and last update in a while, i'm going to the camping.**

I don't remember well, why am I here? So much water has flown since my last words, now I can talk again but who will hear me?

_I'm alone._

But I still remember where the fireflies used to dance, like a hundred of little fires, their small frames turning and diving in an everlasting dance.

_They're gone now._

Do you remember when we used to laugh together, looking at small its trying to climb the rock near the waterfall? And when we raced down the hill, the one who was always so full of flowers?

_Now you are all asleep._

So please, tell me what I'm doing here, waiting for something that will never come? Please, don't mock me, even if you're not real.

What? You thought I haven't noticed that you didn't leave pawprints, or the faint transparence of your body? Trust me, I don't mind, you're the only thing keeping me sane now. But why don't you remember?

_And yet you still claim to be my mother._

Strange isn't it? You are the oldest here but i'm the one telling stories. You where so much more fun before, when you still ran down the died grass of the hills, and still dived in the dirty waters of the pool with me. Now you just sit there, looking at nothing.

_You don't even talk to me anymore._

Now please awnser me, do you still remember something, do you still remember _me_?

Why are you so silent? Did I do something wrong, did I offend you?

If I told you our story would you remember?

Would you awnser me?

Would you exist?


	2. All That Kills Me

**Hello guys, no I'm not dead it's just my computer who's in heaven now. Even if I doubt you remember me here's the first chapter of Fireflies.**

Chapter 1: The Nest.

I was born in a purple painted house, and my first words where unsignificant, but I have always been the curious one.

"Mother, what is outside?"

"Bad things." she would always awnser. But it only teased the burning fire in my heart.

I had a brother, and a sister too, but I never played with them and barely remember their name. They where useless and wuthout importance. At that stage of my life, when I was still a whimpering heap of fur at my mother's side, I lived with humans. Pets, they would call us, kitties or even furballs, that meant we where their playthings. I never asked mother why because I already knew the awnser.

"Pray and God will grant you." she says, and then thinks she is very wise.

But god never did anything, and I never believed.

Days passed and the two others began to talk as well as me, and to walk without stumbling. They played games I never joined, invented a million stupid things to do and where always very loud. But no matter how much I complained Mother never did anything and honestly I nether thought she would. Mother told me once I was smart, but that was before.

But as the days stretched on in the purple house, the more the flame in my heart turned to anger, then hate. I would find any way to annoy Mother and hurt my siblings, tearing open cushions and catching limbs with hooked claws. I was no longer the kitten who longed for the outside, I didn't listen to human talk, no longer trying to catch their words. _Hatred, _it burned me from the inside and my claws weren't enough to make it go anymore. It was like a raging fire, it hurt and cramped my lungs, leaving only ashes in it's wake.

One night, alone and hurt, with no living thing to share my pain with, I swore revenge. Splitting open my forelegs I hid the inside scars, the pain was the only proof that it was real, that I wasn't in some twisted dreamland but at home.

Mother still didn't notice, but I think she was just merely ignoring me because the humans never sat next to me on the couch, and the kittens where terrified of me. As people came and went I was hid in a closet, the dust and darkness only increasing my hate. I _despised _them, they stole my life away from me and they didn't even know it. There is still deep claw marks there, only remains of the desperate fight to get out of it, if only to see a bit of daylight

Then one day it changed.

******POV Change.******

The young cat watched the others run around stressfully with curiosity. _What the hell are they doing? _Things had changed in the last days, tension had begun to rise among the humans and even her mother was strange, trying to coax her into appearing normal as she said. It wasn't her fault she was ignored but nobody listened.

So when the tension reached it's climax, people she didn't know barging into the house, cardboard boxes scattered everywhere, her sleeping curiosity was revived. But then it all died down and her mother reunited them in the same nest for the first time. Curling her fluffy tail at her feet she began to speak:

"You kittens are going to be adopted, but unfortunately Moon is going to stay here." she didn't even look sorry.

"But why do Mittens and Malika get to go and not me!" she wailed, looking desperate.

"We already talked about it Moon, you don't have the right colour: we are supposed to be cream with chocolate points, not have that ugly light gray fur of yours, you have a tabby muzzle for god's sake! Anyways you're not going anywhere with those weird yellow eyes of yours."

They had never talked about it.

Moon felt as if somebody just clawed her, the stinging pain she felt couldn't be real, it had to go away. With a yelp she rose from the nest, skidding on the floor to get away from the laughs, away from the sneer of her mother and away from that cursed nest. The huge house felt like a blur, humans shot her a surprised look but she didn't stop, she had to get away. The anger, the hatred, the jealousy, the burning pain, it all came back. Feeling broken she ran faster, the burning pain in her lungs screaming that she was alive, that she didn't deserve this.

There had to be an opening! She had to flee, get away, fighting didn't even cross her mind. Spotting an open window she jumped, paws first, flying in thin air and feeling the wind on her pelt. That tiny second, the fragment of time, seemed to stretch, she was free!

The she came crashing down, a flurry of paws and fur tangled in a desperate attempt to get on her paws. The ground came, hard, and every bone in her frail body seemed to shatter to pieces. The pain was suddenly there, after seconds of numbness, the haze went away and it was all too clear. her hindquarters where scarlet, covered in layers of crimson liquid and in the mass of writhing flesh a white bone jutted out, nearly obscene in it's purity. she screamed for a few moments, the unbearable pain taking over then shut her jaws, it had become so clear that it was frightening.

_She was going to die. And nobody was going to help her._

She felt herself slipping away, life was hard to grasp and the painful clarity was gone, replaced by black spots who swam at the edge of her vision. She had never meant it, she just wanted to go away so she couldn't understand the fact that the opening was so far from the ground, that liberty came at such a price. Crimson flowers blossomed on the grass and she stopped to fight, it was no use trying to fight death, she couldn't escape anymore. She let go to the darkness, a ghostly form fleeing before it could grasp her too nearly disturbed her, then she was swallowed.

**-Broken**


	3. What Nightmares Are Made Of

**Hi, so i'm a bit sad I didn't get any reviews for last chapter but I suppose it's what I get for being away for so long... But I'm still posting chapters and now that my computer and motivation are back you can expect more.**

**Enougth of my rambling and on with chapter two.**

Moon gazed calmly around her, she was outside. It looked exactly like she thought it would: long, lush grass curled at her feet in a vibrant hue of green, insects of all sorts buzzed lazily in the sun and leafs twirled towards the ground in large loops.

For once she felt at peace, no humans to stomp all over the place, no mother to prefer her siblings, no annoying kittens in her paws, no burning _pain, _only a reassuring nothingness.

She stood up, walking towards the edge of the forest, the tangled undergrowth, with it's tangled vines and mossy trunks, seemed oddly attractive, as if she'd known this sensation of peace and belonging all her life. Trekking slowly between the tall maple trees, vivid gold and faded amber, she was content, just listening to the leafs crumble and plow under her paws.

All too soon she reached a pool, cascading water disturbing the mirrory surface with streams of water and bubbly foam, spraying the rocks with a myriad of tiny droplets. The water was frothing and churning where it hit the pool, evocating the picture of a force bent under the will of someting bigger and way beyond it's comprehension. Why could we swim in water, why did it support us, why could it give and take away life, why wasn't the air solid, only supporting the frail wings of birds? All these questions where straying so afar from her usual logic that it cut her breath, she didn't think of such things in normal days. But it disturbed her because somehow she knew, somehow she felt the air moving around her in inperceptible gusts, she heard the tiny steps of a mouse in some far bush. She also knew how the currants moved in water, working with wind to create currants, how each mucle in her body was connected to nerves and how the air she breathed brought the essential oxygen to her brain. And all of it was so sudden and so unexpected that she was afraid, that she feared what she would discover next, despite the eerie calm and sense of wisdom that had taken over her mind.

Lowering her head, she gazed into the shimmering pool, it's azure depts fading to send her reflection back to her.

She was actually shocked at how _diffrerent _she looked: her messy and unkept pelt had made place to long locks of silky fur, cascading down her flanks in a silver shade she didn't know they had. Her tabby markings where perfectly disposed on her slim muzzle like river ripples, framing her long-lashed eyes in black, fading into nothing in the rest of her beautiful pelt. Her build was different too, longer paws and a slim, perfect hourglass, body, and there was someting about the way she carried herself that made her look dangerous, with the stealthy figure of a fighter.

But the most startling change where her eyes, no longer yellow and glowing in a creepy way but two perfect pools of pale gold, luminous and beautiful in every way, glowing with obvious knowledge and power.

She was more than beautiful, she knew it, the creature she was looking at was radiant with uncanny perfection, almost too much to belong to an earthly creature.

Surely this couldn't be real, no matter how much she wished it was, nobody changed that much in death and it was impossible to her to look like that. Was she dead, was that some weird wonderland or was it all a dream for her to escape the painful reality?

As to awnser her unspoken question a bush rustled at the far edge of the pool, a pair of empy eyes glowing in the shadows. Assuming it was some unfriendly beast she instinctively flexed her paws, ivory claws sliding out in a swift movement, sharp and deadly.

The creature glided out of it's hiding place, chuckling at her bristling pelt and menacing stare. Upon closer inspection it was a cat, well the spape of a cat anyhow, white and glowing. She could only make out the outlines, filled by a king of black fog, a pair of empty eyes and a huge, carnivorous smile that seemed out of place.

"Like what you see?" it asked, it's voice childish and distorted.

She shivered as the shape began to slide on the lake, not even toutching it but floating at a few centimeters below the surface. She just couldn't stop her teeth from grinding against each other. The gruesome smile seemed to widen, if that was even possible, and the shape glided faster, aiming for the spot where she stood.

"Wh-what do you want?" she snarled, having regained a little courage.

The shape slowed down, tilting it's head to the side.

"Me? I only want to help you dear." that voice was beginning to get on her nerves.

"What could you possibly give me!" she snarled, "To pay back the pain, the humiliation, the suffering and all the things that they have done to me during my childhood?"

There was no trace of fear in her voice now, her newfound fury dominating all her other thoughts. The shape had reached her now, sitting at her side as she spat in hatred, eyes clouded at all those painful memeries.

"So what? You have nothing left to say now? How dare you, coming to me and offering a ridiculous offer with no rules, no conditions and no explanation! The things I have..."

"So you want conditions?" said the shape, interrupting her ramblings, "Then here they are, I shall give you a new body, and strengh, knowledge and power, much more than you can imagine. But in exchange of that you shall do something for me, follow my instructions and have no regret murdering your own kind. Plus you shall keep the pain, that burning anger that is so deep in your heart, and give me a part of yourself"

At that part she spluttered, choking on that ridiculous fact. Why the hell would he want that, and how would she accomplish any ridiculous mission he had in mind for her.

But before she could voice her objections it spoke again.

"I will give you another of course, made in a material so strong that the claws will cut through bone, and it will never fail you, but beware the winter."

he stared at her expectanty and she realised she had to awnser, but to say what? Oh the cruel dilemna, the awful stunt Fate had pulled on her. She could not decide herself.

Of course she always wanted to be beautiful, strong and cunning. Of course she wanted to take this mission, if only to be the further possible from her birthplace. And even her mind rationalized the very idea of killing, telling her that she wouldn't have to think, that it would be easy and quick. But nothing in her life had prepared her to this.

Then she realised she had no choice, her real body was mangled and bent, resting in a pool of it's own blood, and that oly waking up would most surely kill her. She gulped, her throat rought and dry.

"I accept" and never two words had been so difficult to say.

The creature only turned it's neverending smile towards her, and she thought she had seen him blink as she was plunged into the most total darkness.

The fall, because she felt she was falling, was long, and with no familiar thing to cluch on she began to fear that it would never end, that she had been tricked by her imagination. Her own body was invisible to her, she could not move and felt only a strange thought familiar numbness take over.

As she began to panick, struggling to move, to see, to fell, to only do something, the veil slipped and she felt again, a strand of grass tickling her nose.

As she opened her eyes, registering what was now the reality, she screamed.

Her right forepaw was now made of steel.


	4. Sleepwalker

**Hello, I finally came up with the new chapter of this fic. It's more difficult to write tha so the updates may and will be slower but I swear I won't abandon it. A big thanks to jazara evergreen my beta, she helps me out in this computerless period.***

* * *

><p><em>Outside the rain's fallin' down<em>

_There's not a drop that hits me_

_Scream at the sky but no sound_

_Is leaving my lips_

_It's like I can't even feel_

_After the way you touched me_

_I'm not asleep but I'm not awake._

* * *

><p><em>There is a thin line between the victim and the sinner. Who suffers most?<em>  
><em>The burdened or the burned?<em>

"Who are you?"  
>"You know who I am, don't deny it."<br>"True, though it doesn't mean I have to stop asking."  
>"Well, aren't you a smart one?"<br>"Tell me, are you part of me or am I part of you?"  
>"Both."<br>"What do you mean?"  
>"And here I thought you had a brain, pity."<br>"Just answer me!"  
>"I'm afraid I don't have much time, you see I think it would be a good time to wake up."<br>"The sinner."  
>"There is no good answer, but are you ready to defy God?"<br>"I don't have much of a choice, my body isn't mine anymore and I'm not quite in the right mind."  
>"Maybe I'm not you."<br>"You might as well say that I'm crazy."  
>"Didn't you take care of that for me?"<br>"I am ready."  
>"Don't you have any faith in the holy?"<br>"God can't help me. He never did and never will."  
>"Do you trust me?"<br>"No."  
>"Good answer."<p>

* * *

><p>It felt like flying, endlessly floating through the sky. The darkness enveloped her, a comforting cover of shadows. The voice was gone now, faded into oblivion. Or maybe it was still there, maybe she just learned to ignore it so much that she didn't hear it anymore. It didn't matter, she was warm and safe.<br>The hours passed, so slow that they felt like an eternity of rolling night. It washed over her conscience like waves, easing away any will to escape. There was only soft echoes, lulling her into sleep again. She found out that it didn't matter either, she was one with the darkness.  
>She didn't wake.<br>_"Maybe you should."_  
>A pair of golden orbs snapped open.<br>The voice was gone again, not that she expected anything else from a fragment of her imagination. The air around her was nice and warm, with no wind at all. She coiled herself tighter, her mind fuzzy and blank. Why would she want to move, what good was there in waking up?  
>She struggled to hold on her thoughts, they felt like a tiny fish, slippery and hard to see in the waters of her conscience. Even thought she knew she had to wake up, face what she had become, she didn't move. The darkness felt so warm, so safe. Her grip on reality was warping, and she struggled to keep her eyes open for just another moment. Then her eyes slowly closed and she let herself be carried to the land of dreams.<br>Her eyes shot open just a moment later.  
>In the moment where she blinked to adjust her bleary sight the darkness had moved, she was sure of it. In a slight panic she scoured the dark cover, looking for an oddity. Nothing.<br>Fixing the dark mass she began to gradually calm down, lowering her guard a bit. She was slightly mesmerized by the shades of black she never knew possible. The more she fixed the darkness the more it seemed to swirl. She lifted a paw to reach it, gasping at the sudden resistance.  
>Her feet were covered in swirling darkness, some parts creeping up her calves. The swirling was clearly visible now, darkness so dark that is seemed like they tore out a part of the night, mixing with living shadows.<br>Wasn't it strange that she didn't hear herself scream?  
><em>It wasn't supposed to be like that!<em>  
>A disturbed giggle left her mouth at those thoughts, of course it wasn't supposed to go like that. What did he promise her already? Strength, knowledge, beauty and freedom wasn't it?<br>What a joke, she just sold her soul for nothing else than pain. Wasn't it what she had always known anyways, wasn't it what she deserved? At least pain never failed her, it was something reliable in this twisted world. Mother was right after all, she was ugly, useless. She couldn't possibly be worth something, she couldn't even die properly, did she? She just had to drag it out.  
>Maybe it was better to be burned than to set fire after all.<br>The dark mass was higher now, looking oh so strange on her silver pelt. All the lower part of her body was nothing more than a writhing black mass now.  
><em>Wait, silver?<em>  
>Wasn't her pelt grey?<br>She slowly raised her left paw, expecting the same kind of resistance.  
>She was wrong, it was disturbingly easy. Her movement was somewhat slow but her whole foreleg was now steadily emerging from the darkness. Almost mesmerized she brought it to her face, amazed by the gleaming silver fur and lean muscles. Giving her claws an experimental flex, she suddently stopped.<br>Her claws where silver too.  
>Just then, as the world seemed to be spinning uncontrollably, the darkness <em>exploded.<em>

* * *

><p><em>"Won't you be a good girl?"<em>  
>Curved claws griped flesh, drawing blood and scraping bones. Choked sobs erupted from the night, uncontrollable tremors shaking her tiny body.<br>_"God... Somebody... Just help me!"_  
>All was silent for a moment, as if time was holding it's breath.<br>Putrid breath pooled around grimy fangs, a pink tongue came to lick his dry lips.  
><em>"N-No, he can't..."<em>  
>Then it came, the horrible sound of tearing flesh, followed by a scream so painful that you could <em>feel<em> her desperation.  
>And the pain, oh the pain.<br>She felt as if she was torn to pieces, black spots swimming across her eyes. She couldn't hear a thing but she was sure she was screaming, screaming until her throat could no more. She was praying too, hoping so hard for a miracle to come.  
>But it didn't. It never did.<p>

* * *

><p><em>"What happened to you?"<em>  
>And she told her, but found no pity in her eyes.<br>_"Why won't you cuddle with me too, Mama?"_  
>A strong paw pushed her away, leaving her to sleep on the cold floor.<br>_"Go away, I'm better off alone."_  
>But strangely he didn't.<br>_"Come and play with us."_  
>She stared for a long moment at the offered paw, as if it would somehow bite her. He just stared back, amber eyes bright, and he didn't take his paw away. Maybe, just maybe, she could trust him, maybe the friendly gleam she saw in his eye was real. Yes, maybe she really could, even if by "us" he only meant "me".<br>So slowly, almost fearfully, she brushed her paw against his cream one.  
><em>"God doesn't exist, he can't help me."<em>  
>The truth, simple and undeniable.<br>_"Would you ever betray me?"_  
>He had swore he wouldn't, but how much was worth a promise out of a kit's mouth?<br>She still didn't think it was the good answer.  
><em>"I want to hear you scream!"<em>  
>And it hurt so much, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop herself.<br>Tears and blood mixed, she could not tell who they belonged to. Screams came as harshly from her throat than his, numbing her conscience until she couldn't feel.

The memories were like swirling ashes and she could taste bitter soot on her tongue.

* * *

><p>I remember it all too well, I was so lost back then, unable to distinguish reality from my dreams. It all warped and blurred, trying to lure me into the darkest corners of my insanity.<br>_You know what comes next don't you?_  
>Or maybe you don't, maybe what I see is only your shadow, an illusion created by my mind to keep me company. Maybe you're still here, you're just gone too far to remember that moment, the one who sealed our fate and led us here.<br>It's no big deal anymore, I'm happy I can still see you. You know, I don't want to face a world without you, a world where you wouldn't chase the nightmares away.  
>And even now you would know that, if I had the tiniest hope for you, for myself, I would offer myself all over again to that creature. Just to hear your voice again.<br>So for all our arrogance, our ruthlessness, we were swept back where dead lichens drip crumbling cinders upon moss of ash...


End file.
